The 10-Attempt Target
Turn frustration into learning by committing to ten attempts
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 90%
The 10-Attempt Target reframes a frustrating task as a fixed practice sequence rather than a one-shot test of ability. Before beginning, define a meaningful attempt and commit to making ten of them. After each try, notice what happened, make one small adjustment, and try again without letting a parent, teacher, or colleague take over. The number creates enough repetition for failure to become ordinary and for feedback to accumulate, while remaining concrete enough to finish. Emotional coaching is part of the mechanism: frustration is named as the normal space between not knowing and knowing. Success is measured first by completing the attempts and learning from them, then by whether performance improves. This builds persistence and evidence-based confidence rather than confidence borrowed from reassurance.
Origin
Jennifer Cohen describes her “10% target” as making ten attempts, using repeated tries to help people become comfortable with failure and remain in the frustrating learning space long enough to improve.
Core principles
- 01Frustration is the bridge between inability and competence
- 02Repeated attempts make failure familiar rather than threatening
- 03Practice matters more than immediate success
- 04Adults should coach the process instead of taking over
How to run it
- 1
Define the attempt
Choose a specific skill or problem and state what a complete, honest try looks like. Make the attempt small enough to repeat safely.
Pro tip Count actions under the learner's control, not outcomes controlled by someone else.
- 2
Commit to ten
Agree not to treat the first failures as a verdict. The initial goal is to complete ten genuine attempts.
Pro tip Mark each attempt visibly so progress continues even before the result improves.
Watch out Ten attempts are a practice target, not permission to ignore danger or escalating harm.
- 3
Stay with frustration
When discomfort appears, name it as a normal part of moving from inability to competence. Pause if needed, but do not substitute rescue for the learner's next try.
Pro tip Use calm language such as, “You do not know how yet.”
Watch out Doing the task for the learner removes the repetition that creates confidence.
- 4
Adjust one variable
After each attempt, identify one thing that worked or failed and alter one element of the next try. Keep the feedback concrete rather than judging the learner's identity.
Pro tip Ask, “What will you change on the next attempt?”
- 5
Review attempt ten
Compare the final attempts with the first and identify gains in skill, tolerance, or understanding. Decide whether to stop, continue, or raise the challenge based on that evidence.
Pro tip Celebrate completion and learning even if the external outcome has not arrived yet.
In the wild
A child becomes upset after the lace falls apart on the first try. The parent demonstrates once, then counts ten child-led attempts. After each one, the child changes a single movement instead of restarting with adult hands. By the tenth attempt, the knot may still be imperfect, but the sequence is clearer and frustration no longer ends the practice immediately.
→ The child builds both procedural skill and tolerance for early failure.
A teenager wants to introduce themselves to unfamiliar peers but fears rejection. They set a target of ten brief greetings across several social situations, review what made each interaction easier, and adjust the next opening. The goal is initially the attempts, not securing friendship from every person.
→ Repeated exposure reduces the power of rejection and improves social confidence.
Common mistakes
Counting token attempts
Rushing through ten identical motions without attention produces little learning. Each attempt should be genuine and followed by a small feedback loop.
Taking over after frustration
Adult completion may make the task look successful while preventing the learner from crossing the learning gap. Coach the next action without replacing it.
Making success the only score
If only the final outcome counts, early failures still feel like verdicts. First score completed attempts and lessons, then evaluate performance change.
Is it for you?
Best for
Children or adults learning a safe, repeatable skill where improvement comes through practice and feedback.
Not ideal for
It is unsuitable when repeated attempts create material danger, severe distress, or costs that require an earlier stop rule.
From the transcript
“being comfortable enough in that frustration to try and try again.”
“Which is why I talk all about like that 10% target that I that I usually come on and talk about, which is making 10…”
“it's okay to feel like I don't know how to do it. But that's part of getting from not knowing to knowing is that process…”
From the episode
Episode 476: The Secret to Raising Mentally Strong Kids in a Fragile World