Connecting by Disconnecting
Turn off devices for one day to restore attention and family connection
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 97%
Connecting by Disconnecting is Elon Gold's description of the practical effect of Shabbat: devices are turned off and put away for a full recurring day, removing the main source of fragmented attention. The mechanism is environmental rather than motivational. Instead of repeatedly resisting notifications, participants make the devices unavailable, then fill the time with meals, stories, laughter, reading, naps, games, walks, and visits. Because the boundary recurs weekly and includes the whole household, it becomes a shared ritual rather than an individual digital-detox experiment. The immediate output is more sustained conversation and presence; the longer-term output is a dependable rhythm of family connection and recovery.
Origin
Gold grounds the method in his family's weekly observance of Shabbat, when every phone is switched off and kept away for roughly 25 hours.
Core principles
- 01Undivided attention creates deeper connection
- 02A recurring ritual is stronger than an occasional intention
- 03Physical separation from devices reduces temptation
- 04Rest and shared leisure are productive forms of renewal
How to run it
- 1
Set the recurring boundary
Choose one day every week and define its start and end. Treat it as a standing commitment rather than a decision to revisit each week.
Pro tip Use the same period every week so everyone can plan around it.
Watch out An improvised or frequently moved boundary is easy to abandon.
- 2
Remove the devices
Turn phones off and put them physically away, not merely face down or on silent. Remove the possibility of habitual checking.
Pro tip Tell necessary contacts about the boundary beforehand.
Watch out Keeping a phone in a pocket preserves the distraction cue.
- 3
Replace scrolling with shared life
Use the time for meals, conversation, laughter, stories, reading, napping, games, exercise, or visiting friends. Let unstructured time be part of the experience.
Pro tip Prepare food and simple activities before the boundary begins.
Watch out Do not turn the day into an over-scheduled productivity programme.
- 4
Repeat until it becomes a ritual
Return to the same disconnect period each week. Notice whether conversation, recovery, and family participation improve over time.
Pro tip Keep the core no-phone rule stable while varying the shared activities.
In the wild
A family switches off every phone before dinner on Friday and leaves the devices in a drawer until Saturday evening. They eat together, play basketball and ping-pong, read, nap, and visit friends. With no one checking a screen at the table, conversation lasts longer and everyone participates.
→ The family creates a predictable weekly period of undivided attention and recovery.
Common mistakes
Keeping the phone nearby
Silencing a phone while leaving it in reach preserves the urge to check it. Gold stresses that the phones are away, not merely off in a pocket.
Reducing the ritual to one hour
A brief break does not create the same sustained change in attention. The method depends on a meaningful uninterrupted period.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for households or close groups that want a reliable weekly boundary around screens and work.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal for people who must remain continuously reachable for emergency or care responsibilities without arranging cover.
From the transcript
“the thing about Shabbos it is the greatest gift that God ever gave us because it is I call it connecting by disconnecting everyone's phones…”
“everyone's phones not only off but just away not in their pockets not and we are just connecting by disconnecting”
“no matter what you believe in take one day a week turn your phones off not one hour 24 we do 25 hours”
From the episode
Episode 257: Elon Gold: The Truth About Achieving Greatness in the Showbiz
Elon Gold