Follow Your Happy
Move one emotional step at a time toward the next slightly better feeling
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 96%
Follow Your Happy is an incremental emotional-regulation method. It rejects the demand to jump directly from grief or sadness to joy, which can feel impossible and invalidating. First allow the emotion to exist and ask what it may be revealing about worth, love, abandonment, or another unmet need. Then become an observer of the thought rather than treating its story as fixed truth. Choose the smallest available action that feels slightly better—movement, a drive, a friend, rest, food, or something funny—and use that shift as the next foothold. When useful, rewrite the narrative around the experience without denying the event itself. The method works through attainable state changes: each modest improvement expands the options available for the next one.
Origin
Shahi describes Follow Your Happy as a chapter in Life is Life-y and a practice she uses through dance, movement, reflection, and reframing.
Core principles
- 01A tiny emotional improvement is more reachable than instant joy
- 02Emotions should be heard before they are redirected
- 03Movement can help shift emotion held in the body
- 04Observing and reframing a thought changes the story around it
How to run it
- 1
Allow the emotion
Name what you feel and stop trying to sweep it away. Give it enough attention to become specific rather than overwhelming.
Pro tip Describe the sensation and the thought separately.
Watch out Do not use acceptance to remain indefinitely in an unsafe situation.
- 2
Ask what it teaches
Explore what the pain is pointing toward, such as self-worth, love, or abandonment. Treat the answer as a hypothesis rather than a final diagnosis.
- 3
Observe the thought
Notice the internal story as a thought you are having, not as your identity or unquestionable reality. This creates room to choose a response.
Pro tip Begin with the phrase ‘I notice I am telling myself…’
- 4
Reach one step higher
Ask what would make the next moment only a tiny bit better. Pick the most accessible answer rather than demanding a dramatic transformation.
Pro tip Use a one-to-ten scale and aim for a one-point shift.
- 5
Put energy in motion
Use dancing, running, stretching, or another suitable action when movement would help. Continue only until you notice a genuine shift rather than forcing a performance of happiness.
Pro tip Choose music or movement that matches your current energy before trying to lift it.
- 6
Rewrite the meaning
Create a more supportive narrative that remains consistent with the facts. Focus on what the experience reveals about your capacity, values, or next choice.
Watch out Reframing should not erase harm, responsibility, or legitimate grief.
In the wild
When Shahi caught herself romanticizing a former partner, she redirected the story from the lost relationship to the depth, courage, and resilience of her own heart. She expressed gratitude for her capacity to love and recover.
→ The same memory became evidence of her capacity rather than only evidence of loss.
Someone who cannot imagine feeling joyful asks what could make the next ten minutes slightly easier. They choose one song and a short walk, then reassess what they need rather than demanding a complete emotional turnaround.
→ A small state change makes the next constructive choice more accessible.
Common mistakes
Forcing instant joy
Trying to leap from grief to exuberance makes the process feel false or impossible. Seek the next slightly better feeling instead.
Using reframing to deny pain
A new narrative should coexist with the real emotion and facts. Suppression can cause the feeling to return more forcefully.
Choosing someone else's happy
The useful action is the one that shifts your state now, which may include declining contact rather than seeking it.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for ordinary periods of sadness, grief, frustration, or emotional stagnation where a small self-directed shift is possible.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal as a replacement for professional support during crisis, trauma, or persistent severe symptoms.
From the transcript
“So, you just reach for the next thing that feels just a tiny bit better. And you do that by following your happy.”
“I don't ignore it and I don't push it away cuz I've learned that that only makes things come back tenfold. You can't sweep it…”
“I try to figure out what it's there to teach me and then I just kind of become the observer of the thought. And tell…”
From the episode
Episode 545: Sarah Shahi: Playing Sex/Life Billie & The Courage To Live and Love Fully As A Woman
Sarah Shahi