Needs, Wants, and Offerings Check
Name what is true now, then give it language and expression
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 91%
The Needs, Wants, and Offerings Check turns authenticity from a vague personal value into a repeatable self-inquiry. At a given moment, identify three inputs: what you need, what you want, and what you can honestly offer. Then test those answers against the role or relationship in front of you: what kind of friend, partner, worker, or creator do you want to be, and what do you need in return? The output is language and expression that reflect your present truth rather than an identity you feel obliged to maintain. Repeating the check matters because authentic answers can change with age, circumstances, and growth. Confidence develops as you prove that you can name, communicate, and make room for those changing truths.
Origin
Sarah Jakes Roberts defines authenticity as identifying present needs, wants, and offerings, then giving them language and expression across relationships, work, art, and content.
Core principles
- 01Authenticity changes as a person changes
- 02Current truth matters more than maintaining an old identity
- 03Unspoken needs cannot be advocated for
- 04Confidence grows from naming and expressing what is true
How to run it
- 1
Pause in the present
Treat authenticity as a current-state question rather than a permanent identity. Notice what has changed since the last time you answered it.
Pro tip Use a specific situation instead of trying to define your entire identity at once.
- 2
Identify the three inputs
Write down what you need, what you want, and what you can genuinely offer in this moment.
Pro tip Keep each answer concrete enough that another person could understand it.
Watch out Do not replace your answers with what you think other people expect.
- 3
Define your role
Ask what kind of friend, partner, colleague, or creator you want to be in this situation and what you require in return.
- 4
Give it language
Turn the answers into words you can use in the relevant relationship, work, art, or content.
Pro tip Choose language appropriate to the setting without hiding the underlying truth.
- 5
Express and update
Communicate or demonstrate the truth, then repeat the check as your needs and circumstances evolve.
Watch out Do not confuse consistency with staying frozen in an outdated version of yourself.
In the wild
Roberts applies the check to friendship by asking what kind of friend she wants to be and what she needs in return. Giving those answers language replaces silent performance with a clearer, more reciprocal relationship.
→ The person can advocate for a relationship that reflects their present needs and values.
A creator identifies what they presently want to say, what support they need, and what they can offer. They then express that truth in their work rather than curating a version designed only to preserve audience expectations.
→ The work becomes a more accurate expression of the creator's current perspective.
Common mistakes
Treating authenticity as permanent
Expecting one authentic expression to last forever turns a living truth into another restrictive identity.
Answering for other people
Performing what a partner or friend seems to want prevents honest identification of your own needs and offerings.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for people navigating changing relationships, work, art, or public identity.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal for moments when immediate safety requires withholding vulnerable information.
From the transcript
“being able to identify your needs your wants your offerings at any given moment recognizing that whatever those needs wants and offerings are can change”
“authenticity is not curated it is simply your truth”
“to be able to identify and give language to those needs wants and offerings at any given moment and to be able to release that…”
From the episode
Episode 341: The Unfiltered Self: Unleashing Your Power Through Authenticity