Rose and Thorn
Ask for the day's best and worst moments to open a richer dialogue
- Difficulty
- Starter
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 99%
Rose and Thorn is a two-part daily reflection prompt. The adult asks for the child's rose, meaning the best moment of the day, and thorn, meaning the worst. Unlike broad questions such as “How was school?”, the contrast gives the child concrete categories to search and makes a one-word answer less likely. The chosen moments also show what held the child's attention, what felt rewarding, and what created discomfort. Those details then become natural openings for follow-up questions. The method works because it supplies enough structure to make recall easy without dictating what the child should discuss. Repeated regularly, it can create a low-pressure ritual for emotional awareness and dialogue.
Origin
Jennifer Cohen began using the prompt with her own children after generic questions about school produced answers such as “fine” or “nothing.”
Core principles
- 01Specific prompts beat generic questions
- 02Positive and difficult moments both deserve attention
- 03A child's chosen moments reveal where their attention sits
- 04The first answer is a doorway to a deeper conversation
How to run it
- 1
Ask for the rose
Invite the child to name the best moment of the day.
Pro tip Let the child define what counts as important.
- 2
Ask for the thorn
Invite the child to name the worst or most difficult moment of the day.
Watch out Do not immediately minimize or solve the difficult moment.
- 3
Notice the signal
Listen for what the two choices reveal about the child's attention, relationships, and emotions.
- 4
Open the dialogue
Use one detail from the answer as a specific, curious follow-up rather than switching topics.
Pro tip Follow the child's emphasis instead of imposing your own agenda.
In the wild
A parent who usually hears “fine” after asking how school was instead asks for the day's rose and thorn. The child identifies one enjoyable moment and one frustrating event, giving the parent two concrete subjects to explore.
→ A closed exchange becomes a fuller conversation about what the child actually noticed and felt.
Common mistakes
Returning to generic prompts
Questions such as “How was school?” are easy to answer with “fine” and reveal little about the child's experience.
Treating the answers as a test
Judging the chosen rose or thorn undermines the low-pressure dialogue the prompt is meant to create.
Is it for you?
Best for
Parents and caregivers who want a simple recurring prompt for learning what mattered to a child.
Not ideal for
It is less useful when delivered as an interrogation or when the child needs quiet rather than conversation.
From the transcript
“I started to do this thing where I say to my kids what was your rose today and what was your Thorn and that way…”
“you get to know what your kids's doing all day or like where their attention is and then like it opens up a dialogue”
From the episode
Episode 300: How to Talk to Your Kids Effectively