Values-Directed Psychological Flexibility
Let higher values steer action when feelings and identities pull you off course
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 94%
Values-Directed Psychological Flexibility combines the ACT approach with Kaufman's sailboat model of self-actualization. First identify the port: the higher value or meaningful destination you want your life to move toward. Then notice the immediate weather—mood, discomfort, impulse, or identity pressure—without allowing it to choose the course automatically. Psychological flexibility creates multiple possible responses and selects the one that serves the value, even when motivation is absent. It also permits goals, tactics, and self-concepts to change as circumstances change. The opposing mechanism is experiential avoidance: organising behaviour around escaping uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. That relief may work briefly but prevents growth. Flexibility therefore means neither drifting nor having no identity; it means holding routes and labels loosely enough to keep steering toward what matters.
Origin
Kaufman links psychological flexibility research in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy to his sailboat model, where clarity about the port of self-actualization guides everyday choices.
Core principles
- 01Higher values can guide action without waiting for the right mood
- 02Goals should change when circumstances or values require it
- 03Avoiding discomfort blocks growth
- 04A flexible identity can integrate unfamiliar perspectives
- 05Clarity about the destination changes moment-to-moment decisions
How to run it
- 1
Name the port
Define the higher value or meaningful destination that should orient the decision.
Pro tip State the value as a direction you can keep moving toward, not a mood you must achieve.
Watch out A vague destination cannot guide a difficult choice.
- 2
Read the internal weather
Notice your current mood, fear, urge, and identity story without treating any of them as an order.
Pro tip Use neutral language such as 'I notice the urge to avoid.'
Watch out Suppressing the feeling is another form of experiential avoidance.
- 3
Locate avoidance
Identify what discomfort you would escape by choosing the easiest immediate response.
Pro tip Ask what short-term relief would cost in long-term growth.
Watch out Do not confuse healthy withdrawal from danger with avoidance of ordinary discomfort.
- 4
Create flexible routes
Generate several actions that could honour the value rather than assuming there is one rigid path.
Pro tip Include an option that changes the goal or tactic without betraying the value.
- 5
Take the value-aligned action
Choose the available response that best moves toward the port, whether or not you feel ready.
Pro tip Make the next move small enough to perform now.
Watch out Waiting for motivation gives momentary mood control of the course.
- 6
Update without hardening
Review what happened and change goals, routes, or identity assumptions when new evidence calls for it.
Pro tip Preserve the guiding value while revising the route.
Watch out Flexibility becomes drift if every discomfort causes a new destination.
In the wild
Someone strongly identified with one political group hears a useful idea from the other side. Instead of rejecting it to protect the label, she notices the discomfort, returns to her value of truth-seeking, and considers how the idea could be integrated without surrendering her ethical commitments.
→ A flexible identity allows learning without demanding tribal conformity.
A writer values creative contribution but feels no desire to work. He names the mood without fighting it, then chooses ten minutes of drafting because that action moves toward the value even while the feeling remains.
→ The higher value, rather than the temporary mood, determines behaviour.
Common mistakes
Waiting to feel ready
Psychological flexibility exists precisely so action need not depend on a favourable mood.
Confusing identity with values
A rigid label can block a value such as curiosity, truth, or connection.
Using flexibility to rationalise drift
Routes and goals may change, but repeated changes should still serve a clearly named higher value.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for decisions where fear, mood, or tribal identity conflicts with a deeply held value.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal as a reason to tolerate genuine danger or abandon firm ethical boundaries.
From the transcript
“you develop uh a psychological flexibility that allows you to change your goals, change your um even if you're not feeling like you're in the…”
“You change based on your higher values. Like where do you really want to go? I have this whole sailboat model of self-actualization, you know,…”
“psychological flexibility is the opposite of what's called experiential avoidance.”
From the episode
Episode 465: Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman: Why Everyone's Playing Victim (And How to Stop)
Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman