What's the Story?
Expose breakup rationalizations and rewrite the evidence accurately
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 99%
What's the Story? is a written reappraisal exercise for post-breakup idealization. Begin by writing the relationship's deterioration exactly as you currently explain it, including charitable interpretations such as “he meant well” or “this was not the real him.” Highlight every claim that excuses a repeated pattern, assumes motives without evidence, or converts the other person's choices into your fault. Then rewrite the story using observable events, frequency, and consequences. Add what you had to sacrifice—career, stability, self-respect, health, or the person you could become—rather than measuring the relationship only by the love you felt. The revised account removes the ex from a pedestal and provides an evidence-based reference for moments when memory starts romanticizing the past.
Origin
Gallo says she gives this named exercise to clients who rationalize a deteriorated relationship and struggle to detach from an ex.
Core principles
- 01Memory often rationalizes repeated harmful behaviour
- 02Writing makes distortions visible
- 03Patterns outweigh charitable explanations for isolated events
- 04Accurate costs reduce idealization
- 05A useful reframe includes what the relationship required you to sacrifice
How to run it
- 1
Write the current story
Describe the relationship and its ending without editing your usual explanations. Include the reasons you give for the other person's behaviour.
Pro tip Use paper so the full narrative is visible at once.
- 2
Highlight inaccuracies
Mark rationalizations, unsupported assumptions, minimized patterns, and statements that conflict with repeated evidence. Distinguish what happened from what you hoped it meant.
Pro tip Ask whether a behaviour was truly exceptional or happened many times.
Watch out Compassion for context should not erase a repeated pattern.
- 3
Inventory the sacrifices
List what the relationship cost you and which version of yourself it reinforced. Include opportunities and growth that could not coexist with the dynamic.
Watch out Do not reduce the assessment to whether love was present.
- 4
Rewrite from evidence
Produce a concise account based on observable actions, repetition, and impact. Remove both idealization and unnecessary self-condemnation.
Pro tip Use specific frequencies and events where you can.
- 5
Use the corrected account
Return to the revised story whenever distance begins to make the relationship seem better than it was. Let the written evidence interrupt selective memory.
Watch out Do not use the exercise to ruminate endlessly; use it to restore accuracy and move forward.
In the wild
A woman writes that her former partner repeatedly disappeared because he was under pressure and “not himself.” She highlights that phrase, records fifteen similar incidents, and adds the stability and self-trust she sacrificed while waiting for change. Her revised story acknowledges that she loved him while accurately describing a persistent pattern he did not repair.
→ The corrected narrative weakens idealization and supports continued separation.
Common mistakes
Rewriting into blame
The purpose is factual accuracy, not replacing idealization with an exaggerated villain story.
Ignoring the cost to yourself
Love alone is an incomplete measure; the exercise must include what the relationship required you to give up.
Is it for you?
Best for
People who intellectually know a relationship was harmful but keep remembering it as better than it was.
Not ideal for
People processing acute trauma without adequate professional or social support.
From the transcript
“I do have one exercise that I tell my clients all the time and the exercise is called what's the story?”
“being able to put that down on paper and then going ahead and highlighting all of those inaccuracies and then rewriting that story that's free…”
“It's about reminding ourselves of what we had to sacrifice.”
From the episode
Episode 501: Alejandra Maria Gallo: Dating Strategy, Emotional Regulation, and Taking Your Power Back
Alejandra Maria Gallo