Written Charisma Balance
Balance warm and competent language in important emails and texts.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 4
- Confidence
- 98%
Written communication loses body language, facial expressions, and voice, so the words must carry more of the warmth and competence burden. Audit important emails and texts for both dimensions. Warm cues include words such as happy, together, open, and collaborate, along with restrained exclamation points or emojis. Competence cues include goals, results, numbers, evidence, efficiency, and explicit next steps. Use enough warmth to make engagement inviting and enough competence to make the exchange useful and credible. Replace sterile social scripts such as “How was your day?” with more specific prompts that wake up attention. This is not a requirement to decorate every logistical message; apply it selectively when a response, relationship, or impression matters.
Origin
Van Edwards’s lab compared participants’ charisma scores with warmth and competence language in their five most recent sent emails. Extracted from Habits & Hustle.
Core principles
- 01Text removes body language, facial expression, and vocal tone.
- 02Sterile wording makes communication harder to engage with.
- 03Warm words communicate friendliness and openness.
- 04Competence words communicate momentum and capability.
- 05Important messages benefit from a deliberate balance.
How to run it
- 1
Set the message balance
Decide whether the recipient needs reassurance, momentum, or an even combination of warmth and competence.
Pro tip Consider how the recipient currently perceives you, not only what you intend.
Watch out Do not add warmth reflexively when the message primarily needs precision.
- 2
Add a warm cue
Use an authentic acknowledgment, positive emotion, collaborative word, or restrained expressive marker.
Pro tip One specific warm phrase is stronger than a row of generic emojis.
Watch out Too many emojis and exclamation points can reduce perceived competence.
- 3
Add a competence cue
Include a concrete action, result, number, timeline, goal, or efficient next step.
Pro tip Make the requested response easy to understand and complete.
Watch out Statistics and big words without warmth can make the message sterile.
- 4
Replace scripted language
Swap generic prompts for specific language that gives the recipient something meaningful to answer.
Pro tip Try “What’s good today?” instead of “How are you?” when the relationship allows it.
Watch out Novel wording should still sound like you.
In the wild
Instead of sending “Are we still on for tonight?”, a person writes, “So excited for tonight. Still looking good?” The message combines positive emotion with a clear request for confirmation.
→ The recipient receives both warmth and a concrete prompt to respond.
Common mistakes
Sending sterile logistics
A technically complete message can still be difficult to engage with when it carries no relational cues.
Overloading warmth markers
Too many emojis and exclamation points can make a serious message seem less capable.
Is it for you?
Best for
High-value emails, professional profiles, client messages, and personal texts where the relationship matters.
Not ideal for
Purely logistical messages where additional signaling would add unnecessary noise.
From the transcript
“adding warmth and competence to your emails, to your texts.”
“warm words are words that are like the warm and fuzzies. Happy, best, together, collaborate, open.”
“Competent words are words that make you want to get it done. Productive, efficient, brainstorm, power through, goal, win, achieve, success, master, those kinds of…”
From the episode
Episode 419: Vanessa Van Edwards: The Power of Body Language and Charisma for Effective Communication
Vanessa Van Edwards