Warmth-Competence Message Audit
Balance relational and results language in important messages
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 97%
Written communication removes facial expression, body language, and vocal tone, leaving word choice to carry warmth and competence. Audit an important message by marking relational words such as happy, together, collaborate, and open, along with emojis or exclamation points. Then mark results-oriented language such as productive, efficient, goal, achieve, statistics, prices, or charts. If the message is all warmth, add a clear objective, decision, number, or next step. If it is all competence or empty logistics, add genuine pleasure, shared purpose, or collaborative language. Replace generic social scripts with a specific opener and a reason to respond. The audit is selective: use it where rapport or credibility matters, not to decorate every routine message.
Origin
Van Edwards' lab compared charisma diagnostic scores with the warmth and competence words in participants' five most recently sent emails.
Core principles
- 01Written channels need stronger verbal cues because body and voice are absent
- 02Warm words create openness and connection
- 03Competence words signal progress and capability
- 04Important messages need balance while routine logistics may not
How to run it
- 1
Choose a consequential message
Apply the audit to communication where trust, response, or credibility matters. Leave purely logistical notes alone unless they are causing friction.
Watch out Do not turn every email into a performance.
- 2
Count warmth cues
Mark words that communicate happiness, openness, togetherness, or collaboration, plus emojis and exclamation points. Notice whether they dominate or are absent.
Watch out A pile of emojis can feel friendly while reducing perceived competence.
- 3
Count competence cues
Mark goals, achievements, action verbs, numbers, prices, evidence, and clear next steps. Check whether the message demonstrates forward movement.
Pro tip One concrete next step can add competence without making the note cold.
- 4
Balance the weak side
Add one or two authentic cues from whichever dimension is missing. Preserve the purpose and brevity of the message.
Pro tip Read the message once for trust and once for reliability.
- 5
Replace sterile scripts
Swap generic lines such as a bare confirmation request for a distinctive opener, genuine enthusiasm, and a direct question. Make responding feel socially and practically easy.
Watch out Do not copy regional greetings or enthusiasm that sounds unlike you.
In the wild
Instead of sending “Are we still on for tonight?”, Van Edwards suggests a more distinctive opening, genuine excitement, and “Still looking good for tonight.” The text combines warmth with a confident confirmation request.
→ The message feels easier and more appealing to answer.
A consultant changes “The proposal is attached” to a short note expressing pleasure about collaborating, naming the agreed goal, and giving one clear review deadline.
→ The client receives both relationship warmth and delivery competence.
Common mistakes
Sending sterile logistics
A technically complete message can still give the recipient no emotional reason to engage. Add a genuine relational cue when the exchange matters.
Overloading warm symbols
Too many emojis and exclamation points can make a capable sender seem less serious. Add goals, evidence, or a clear action.
Adding empty business jargon
Competence is not the same as big words. Use concrete outcomes, numbers, and next steps rather than sterile vocabulary.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for messages to clients, bosses, prospects, close friends, or dates where the relationship and outcome both matter.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal for routine logistical notes that do not need additional emotional or professional signaling.
From the transcript
“adding warmth and competence to your emails, to your texts.”
“warm words are words that are like the warm and fuzzies. Happy, best, together, collaborate, open. Emojis are warm. Exclamation points are warm.”
“Competent words are words that make you want to get it done. Productive, efficient, brainstorm, power through, goal, win, achieve, success, master.”
From the episode
Episode 516: The Best of Habits & Hustle - Vanessa Van Edwards (The Behavioral Investigator)